I feel like this topic is very controversial and many people have different opinions when it comes to feeding your baby. And yes everyone is entitled to their own opinion but sometimes opinions can make people feel like they are in the wrong. For me it was a very hard subject to talk about as I still feel now that I have let my daughter down by not feeding her myself, but in the end I had no choice.
When Amelia was born and even before I was adamant I wanted to breastfeed as "Breast is best" as everyone used to tell me and according to the whole world of medics. So that's what I tried to do, and I definitely did give it a go. I really wanted to experience that bond they say you get with your baby and how good the milk is meant to be, but unfortunately that's not the way it went.
As soon as Amelia was born, we had lovely skin to skin and she was placed on me to feed. I however was so exhausted after my birth, me and my husband decided to give her a bottle to start her off in her little life and I was happy about this cause I really needed to get some rest. Once I had got some rest, it was time to feed Amelia myself and I thought everything was going well. I hadn't been shown what to do so I was just guessing I was doing it right, I thought she was latching on and feeding. However while on the ward, a midwife came round to see me, I asked her if I was feeding right, and she told me she wasn't latching on to me properly, so the midwife sat with me and helped me to get her to latch on properly. I'm not a very busty person and for me I found it very difficult her latching onto my breasts and not just my nipple, but I pursued with it and before I left the hospital Amelia was feeding fine, I had to express a little for her and feed her from a syringe to help get some milk in but everything was okay.
So after many of weeks, one morning I sat in bed and just cried, the feelings that were racing around my body were uncontrollable I just didn't no what to do. I didn't want my baby to be uncomfortable anymore, anytime I laid her down she cried. I didn't want to leave the house in fear I hadn't pumped enough milk for when we was out, because I didn't want to get my boobs out in public. I felt like the bonding wasn't happening cause when it came to feed time I was dreading it, the pain and discomfort made it an unpleasant time for me and I new that morning something had to change. But the one big thing that went through my mind was... Now I'm going to get judged for feeding my baby formula and not breast milk and in my mind I couldn't win.
In the end of debating everything I new for myself I had to stop, to reduce the chances of me getting mastitis I still pumped for a few days and to gradually introduced Amelia to formula. The formula I started on was the Aptamil and after a few days she was onto formula permanently and for me I thought the drama was all over, I mean it took a good couple of weeks for my boobs to stop hurting and producing and I then felt like human again, all these hormones had just disappeared and I felt like myself it was a lovely feeling. But for Amelia it was not stopping, she didn't get on with the Aptamil, the colic didn't improve and she was still such a sicky baby. I went to the doctors who recommended different things for her to try, infacol, gripe water and to pop her onto a different milk called Aptamil Comfort, it's a thicker milk it should help the milk stay down and stop her from being as sick. She was fine for all of 6-7 days, it was like she was a different baby but that was it, back to being sick and having bad colic. It got to the point she would scrunch herself up into a ball and bring her legs up so high as if she was in pain in her belly. At this point I sat there and just blamed myself, it was me who had done this to her and everything I was trying to do never helped until this...
Finally after doctors appointments galore, we got to the bottom of it, Gaviscon was given to her for her reflux, which helped and she now has a suspected cows milk protein allergy, she was showing all the signs and I no it took a while to discover but we did get their in the end. So I was told from the doctors to give it a month, she needed to get all the milk protein out of her body and I would then start seeing a different baby, and yes I did. She was totally different, so content.
So one evening I sat there and just thought to myself, after weeks of me feeding her and her being on normal Aptamil she actually had an allergy and needs prescription milk, so breastfeeding her was not an option for me (which made me feel 100% better) because for weeks I blamed myself.
Now I know all people have their opinions when it comes to feeding and people might tell me I shouldn't have given up and I should have just taken milk out from my diet, and I no I could have done that but I wasn't happy, Amelia wasn't happy so I done what a mother should do and do what's best for us both. And what we should all be saying to each other is "fed is best". Because some people don't have an option when it comes to feeding, and babies need feeding. A happy mums a happy baby right?
Let me know if you have had any experiences like this??
Emily xx
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